Into The Wild Spoof
Written by: Clever :Tigerclaw: Oakheart! Get off my swamp! :Oakheart: Never! After tonight, Tigerclaw, this'll just be another RiverClan hunting grounds! :Tigerclaw: Who said anything about hunting grounds? :Redtail: Tigerclaw, there are too many RiverClan warriors! :Tigerclaw: Dangit Redtail, ThunderClan never surrenders! :Redtail: ThunderClan honours your courage, Tigerclaw, but we must retreat. :Tigerclaw: Nonsense! *slaps* :Tigerclaw: THIS. IS. SPARTA! *Kills Redtail* :Bluestar: Have ghosts talked to you yet? :Spottedleaf: NAH :/Shooting star plummets to the ground/ :Spottedleaf: I now suddenly have a prophecy! That random shooting star meant this logical illogical nonsense: *puts flashlight under chin* Fire alone will save our Clan. :Bluestar: Fire? But fire is feared by all Clans! Not to mention it can burn the book we're in. :Spottedleaf: *Slap* Stop breaking the fourth wall! :/Food rattles/ :Rusty: Gosh darn food, I was about to catch that real fake mouse! :Smudge: You're not going into the woods, are you? :Rusty: On second thought, no. :Smudge: YOU HAVE TO OR THE ERINS WILL GET MAD :Rusty: Erins? :Smudge: Never mind. :Rusty: RAWR! :Graypaw: NOES D: :Rusty: *Pins Graypaw* :Graypaw: My, you're quite a spectacle, pretty young thaaaang. And you fight well for a fat kittypet. :Rusty: *Blush* Thanks? :/Bluestar and Lionheart show up/ :Rusty: I just wanted to hunt a little. A mouse or two wouldn't put a dent in your supply, would it? :Graypaw: *Makes cutting throat motion* :Bluestar: Oh, you would say that! If you actually lived with us, you would know how hard it is to support a Clan! You ungrateful swine! :Rusty: Jeez, sorry. :Bluestar: *thinks* Hmm... speaking of that... you're orange, wanna join our Clan? :Lionheart: Racist. :Bluestar: Shush. Do you want to? :Graypaw: Join us! We can sleep in the same den, and share a nest! :Lionheart: Graypaw... :Graypaw: I mean, train together as apprentices. :Rusty: Can I think about it? :Bluestar: We all know you're coming to live with us. :Rusty: Smudge! The wild cats invited me into their Clan! :Smudge: OH EM GEE! No way! :Rusty: Yes way! And I think I'm gonna join them! :Smudge: *Gasp* You're leaving me, your BFFL? :Rusty: Now I feel bad. :Lionheart: This is Whitestorm. :Whitestorm: Hello. :Rusty: ... :Lionheart: Have you chosen yet? :Rusty: ... :Lionheart: MAKE YOUR DARN DECISION! :Rusty: I smell cats. :Whitestorm: No, really?? :Rusty: Yes, really. :Whitestorm: *facepaw* How dumb can you get? :Rusty: Varies. :Lionheart: Here's the nursery, where the kits are cared for. :Rusty: *Faux British accent* They're so bloody cute! :Lionheart: Yes, kits are quite adorable. :Rusty: Dude I was talking about the queens. :Lionheart: Pedo! :Longtail: Once a kittypet, always a kittypet! :Bluestar: Shut up, I've heard that one before! :Bluestar: FIGHT FOR MY AMUSEMENT :Longtail: Ready to fight, kittypet? :Rusty: Yeah, you wanna go brah? :Longtail: Yes, actually! :Rusty: Yay, let's go to Harvey's! :Rusty: *Murders Longtail's ear* :Ear: Ow! D: :Bluestar: You shall be named Firepaw, in honour of your flame-coloured pelt. :Firepaw: Racist. :Bluestar: Hush child. :Graypaw: This is the apprentice's den, where we sleep. :Firepaw: It's awfully small. :Graypaw: That's why some of us have to double up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) *Eyebrow wiggle* :Firepaw: *blushu* :Graypaw: We'll see if the elders offer us some food. That's a great honour. :Firepaw: Who would want to eat with those old farts? :Graypaw: Still haven't tasted mouse? :Firepaw: No, but I assume it's warm and chewy, and bloody... :Graypaw: Just eat the rodent! :Firepaw: NOT YET :Graypaw: Smallear smells trouble! :Firepaw: Is that possible? :Ravenpaw: Redtail is dead! :Bluestar: NOES! D: :Ravenpaw: *Shivers violently* I.. I.. :Graypaw: Ravenpaw, stop being such a scaredy cat! :Firepaw: Was that a pun? :Spottedleaf: Tigerclaw, you can't push your apprentice so hard! He's hurt! :Tigerclaw: ... :Spottedleaf: You wouldn't object to your pretty little medicine cat, would you? *bats eyelashes* :Tigerclaw: *Blushu* Of course not... :Firepaw: FORESHADOWING? :Tigerclaw: Is this our new *unbelievably censored*? :Spottedleaf: TIGERCLAW!!! >:( :Graypaw: Yup. :Firepaw: What's a *unbelievably censored*? :Spottedleaf: FIREPAW!!!!! >:O Tigerclaw, look what you've done! :Graypaw: *Stone-faced expression* This is the highrock. :Firepaw: Dang. You look so focused. :Graypaw: I take my job very seriously. :Firepaw: *Whispers immature fart joke* :Graypaw: BWAHAHAHAHA :Graypaw: Sup all my homeboys and girls? :Elders: Hi Graypaw! :Dappletail: Hey Gray! Did you check out the newest edition of Rolling Pebbles with the memoirs of David Meowie? :Graypaw: No way! Sounds far out! :Smallear: I can lend it ta ya', Gray! :Firepaw: Did I just walk into a cult? :One-eye: Yeah, take that mouse. We don't give a damn. :Smallear: ONE-EYE! LITTLE EARS! :Graypaw: pls just eat the mouse now. :*Graypaw, Firepaw, and Ravenpaw are doing the macarana* :Tigerclaw: No fun allowed. :Bluestar: I BESTOW UPON LIONHEART MY POWERS! :Lionheart: *Godly light shines down* :Firepaw: *Looks at Redtail* Should we join them? :Graypaw: Nope. Only cats closest to him. :Firepaw: I mean, when he was brought back to camp I was standing pretty close to the body. :Graypaw: You are so dumb. :Sandpaw: *Wrinkles nose* He smells like a kittypet! :Firepaw: You smell like a b*tch. :Whitestorm: Nice one! :Firepaw: These ferns are a delicate shade of green. :Graypaw: Is that a direct quote? :Firepaw: Yup. :Firepaw: *Lies down in nest* :Graypaw: You're finally a member of ThunderClan! How does it feel? :Firepaw: Pretty great. I reckon it only took, like, 10,000 words. :Graypaw: *Presses moss to Firepaw's face* Fourth wall broken... :Tigerclaw: Unimpressive. I expect both of you to be punctual. :Graypaw: Killjoy. :Firepaw: What does punctual mean? :Tigerclaw: The fumes here can make a kit go blind. :Graypaw: It'll be quiet for a while longer though, until greenleaf. :Firepaw: Huh. :Lionheart: Where's the punchline? :Tigerclaw: The Twolegplace lies in that direction. No doubt you can smell it, but today, we are going to head the other way. :Firepaw: *Tears up* My people. Category:Spoof Category:Warriorlover12345 Category:PG-13